I hoped for...and found

High school was a blur. It was never easy to understand why my father had left my mom high and dry financially and provided nothing in the way of means for us to live. In high school that can really separate you from your peers. My mom, did all she could to make sure my brother and I never went without. At times, I never understood how she could do all that she did on the penance she made in state government. Yet, we didn't really know we were lacking anything. (now it wasn't quite Loretta Lynn and Coal Miner's Daughter) :-)

This made things a lot more difficult in high school though. It seemed that for a moment the bullying stopped, and being gay was not so much in the forefront of the minds of my classmates. Yet, there were the occasional jeers. It seemed though that no one wanted to be my friend during my Sophomore year. The "churchies" as I called them, pulled even farther away during the school day. I found my solace in the hour of music class, the hour of art class, the hour of Spanish, and the hour of study hall when Ms. Judge would allow me to "rule the roost" over those in-school suspension kids. Yes, that was a treat! I was the teacher's aid for the in-school suspension teacher Ms. Judge. She was so incredibly awesome. She and I would dish about the latest celebrity gossip, what was going on in school and I would give her fashion tips (imagine that). Now that I look back on my time working for her, I realize she knew I was a loaner and wanted to cheer me up. Why can't more teachers do that sort of thing for kids? It's a shame that they are spread so thin in their jobs.

Well-I thought the bullying had stopped. During the end of the fall semester of my Sophomore year, I had to run to the bathroom during class. I was in the restroom when the door opened. It was this kid named Nathan. He and his cronies were always up to no good, and at times when the search light fell on me-it was really no good. I was washing my hands about to return to class when Nathan walked up behind me and kicked me from behind. I immediately fell to the floor. He walked away from the sink to one of the stalls and said, "that's what you get stupid queer". It was all I could do to stand back up. The pain was running through my legs and back. I got out of the bathroom as fast as I could and walked down the hall with a grimace on my face. When I got back to my desk I could barely sit down. I sat through the rest of class in shock, in pain and in fear. I knew what would happen if I told anyone what had happened. This kid was just mean.